Summerstock 08

Apathy

Go through the motions. Do the pointless work. Waste time sitting in a class room. That is all I seem to do now. Its seems each class has me bored to death or stressed out like mad. I feel like I am constantly wasting time, yet there is not enough time left. I want to get out of here, yet I want to savor every last moment of high school. I am beeing pulled in both directions.

I am terrified to leave high school. I don't want to go to college. I dont want to leave my friends, my school, the fac, my choir, my house, my bed, or my life. I can not imagine a better life; I am so blessed. What if I screw that up? I have all I could ever ask for here, and I don't want to let go of it. People always say you're friends change, and you can't help it. I never believed it until it happened it me, but I can't have that happen again, not with these friends.

And what about durring college? I always feel like there is someone better than me at everything I do. How can I be successfull when I'm obviously not the best? Why should I try if there's going to be someone better? What if I don't like my school?

Don't even get me started on life outside of college. Where do I go? With who? Do I get married? Do I want to get married? Kids? When? So many questions that only I can answer, but I can't seem to find the answers. It's impossible to plan out your life the way you want it, when you haven't got a clue what you want. The future is a scary place.

I ME MY MINE

Sometimes I think about living. Sometimes I think about dying. What is death? When I "die" does my body keep living? So am I really still alive? Who is to say I'm dead if I stop breathing? Aren't the cells in my skin living, my hair growing? It's strange.

Back to living: Sometimes I think of using my body. I use it as an instrument. To create. To learn. To know. To love. To be. When I'm onstage my body is my tool. I am using what God gave me. That is why I feel so at home while performing or creating. When I make art, I use my body to produce something I see in my mind; I make it real. You body is a powerful thing, learn to love it.

Growing

My dreams have changed. My goals are different. Does this mean I am growing up? I always told myself I would never do that. Now, looking back, I can see that I already have grown up. Weird.

I think I actually like the path I'm on, and I've never said that before. At this very moment, though, I feel like I have a bright future. I have met awesome people recently, and I just feel really positive about most things right now. That's a change. And I like it.

I really want summer to come. More than I ever have. Usually I dont mind winter too much, and this one really wasn't that long, but I am just praying for summer to suddenly appear. Its weird because I don't want to go to college next year, but I want this year to end? It sucks, too, because I feel like I am wishing away my last year of high school, which is not at all what I want. I am afraid I haven't made enough memories from high school (which I know isn't true), and that I won't remember all of the ones I did make. I'm working on living each day as its own journey. These are the best years of my life. If you have been in my life at all in high school, thank you- I love you.

PS- Come see "Annie." Please? Make our hard work worth it. It's actually going to be good, I think!

If you reach for the stars
All you get is the stars,
But we've found a whole new spin.
If you reach for the heavens
You get the stars thrown in.

NYC

Just real quick: I am sitting in the hotel lobby about 2 blocks north of times square, and my fingers are still cold from waiting outside at the stage door to Legally Blonde: The Musical. I meet alot of people, including Laura Bell (Elle)! Our hotel room is literally bigger than our cottage, the Hard Rock Cafe was sweet, as was seeing Starry Night and some Andy Warhol's in the flesh. WOW- all this in one day!

I have pictures and will post an actual entry when I'm home. Have a great weekend!

______________________________________________________

Where to begin!? Basically NYC was perfect. My dad and I left from GR early Friday morning, and got to NY a few hours later. We took the wrong buss, so we get a little view of pretty much the entire island of Manhattan. We arrived to the hotel at about noon, and our room was huge. I can't even tell you how big it was. TWO BATHROOMS!? Why? I don't know, but I loved it.

We decided to walk to Times Square, and went into the box office for Legally Blonde. We bought some "Student Rush" tickets. That means I used my student ID and got cheap tickets. I expected them to be really bad, but when I opended the envelope, I saw "ORCH D." Yeah. row D.

We went to lunch at Hard Rock Cafe (our family has this thing with Hard Rocks, I dont know why). Later, we went to MOMA, the Museam Of Modern Art. I saw some encredible things there! It was breathtaking. We ate at Shmuck and McCormicks or something? Amazing seafood. I'm not just saying this, it was a BIG DEAL.

That night was Legally Blonde. We were off to the side, but like ten feet from the stage. HOLY COW! What a fun, campy, rediculous show. My dad LOVED IT! If you know my dad, that's funny. We met alot of the cast, incluing ELLE (Laura Bell). She was so sweet!

The next morning I woke up already anxious! It was Saturday, meaning Little Mermaid was tonight! We went to the Stage Deli. All of their sandwitches are named after stage actors; It's really a cool place. Then we walked around NYC. I had the "NYC" song from Annie looping in my head the whole time! My dad's friend was coming in to meet him, so I walked around a bit by myself. I also wandered over to the Wicked theater, not to see the show, but to meet Glinda. I know it super creepy, but I love Annaleigh. She was so quiet and shy, but she is amazing. That night we grabbed some pizza (which was fab!) and headed off to the Lunt-Fontane Theater!

I know that I already sound like a little girl, but this trip had already been so great, I couldn't controll myself. I have waited for The Little Mermaid to come to Broadway ever since I knew what musicals were, and when I heard it was actually going to happen (a few years ago) I knew I had to see it. It's really dumb, but TLM is a part of my childhood, and means more to me than I can describe. And putting that on stage!? Are you kidding me? And the ORIGINAL BROADWAY CAST!? Can I be a really big theater geek for a second? HOLY SHIT!? This was a huge deal. And our seats were PERFECT!

The show was gorgeous, delightful, amazing, and incerdible. It was nothing like what I had expected, but I loved every minute of it. All of the effects (heelies, fins, etc.) worked well and I liked the over all look and feel of the show. The new songs were great, and the old ones were given new life. It was just too much! Afterword, my dad and I went to the "stage door" to meet the cast. We saw Sebasitan, the chef, some mersisters and ensemble people, and Ariel! Sierra Boggess is basically the perfect woman. Crap, I love her.

That night I went to bed a very happy 6 year old girl boy. Sunday was our final day, so we got some lunch and headed over to see if we could snag tickets to a last minute matinee. We ended up seeing Mary Poppins. Now, I have never really seen the movie (I know, I suck!), but the show looked cool, and I like the music. So it was basically the opposite of TLM for me, I walked into the show having no strong childhood ties. The show was great though! Alot of fun, but very different from TLM in every way. We peaced out of the theater quickly (no stage door) to catch the plane home.

On the trip home I listened to the shows I had seen on my iPod, in awe of my experiance. It really was great; I couldnt have asked for more. I will definately be going back to NYC sometime, but I did everything I wanted to, so I am content with waiting a few years!